Jackass, fat-ass or other?

By now we all know the tale of Vermont Sen. James Jeffords, who acted on his conscience and left the Grand Old Party to become a proud independent. Jeffords' actions have delivered the Senate into the hands of the Democrats, and have confounded the four-month Republican monopoly on government whose likes this nation has not seen in decades. While President Bush laments this unwelcome turn of events and reworks his dreaded agenda, we young college students have something far more important to consider, as Jeffords has committed an act that carries many portents for the future of the American political landscape.

Excepting President Monroe's Era of Good Feelings, this country has always operated under a two-party system, with the real power seldom entrusted to third parties. From the original Federalists and Anti-Federalists to the Democrats and Republicans of today, John Q. Voter has always had his choice between two major political affiliations.

But in embracing only two major parties, we are presented with two "package deals," and are left to choose the one we believe to be superior. On the non-issue issues, such as providing relief to veterans, both parties are generally in agreement, but with the more visible, controversial issues, Democrats and Republicans almost always take opposing stances.

A well-rounded citizen can hardly be expected to fully agree with the political party for which he or she votes. I, for instance, am a Democrat in favor of nuclear plants and a strong military -- both of which are dogmas of the Republican Party. As should be expected, the reality of choosing between left and right leaves many people to unsatisfactorily describe their party's gleanings as "not quite a full meal."

This insatiate hunger brings us to the fascinating arena of political speculation. What does our country's political future hold? Since this nation's inception, the relative power of the two major parties has dropped considerably while the public will has contemporaneously gravitated toward an acceptance of realistic third-party competition.

It is a subtle point that Jeffords, in defecting from the GOP, did not become a member of the Democratic Party. Rather, he relegated himself to the historically powerless third-party abyss. To bring this impotence into perspective, consider the fact that the Senate now has 50 Democrats, 49 Republicans and one independent.

Kang and Kodos used the two-party system to take over the country, but can we foolish earthlings expect America's political future to always remain locked in this fashion? It should be noted that the United States is home to the developed world's only two-party system. Other countries' political structures consist of multiple parties, which must collude with each other and form coalitions in order to gain power. Are we headed in that direction?

Lesser parties are becoming more important. For instance, Ross Perot cost George Bush the re-election, and Ralph Nader cost Al Gore a presidency of his own. Jesse Ventura is the undisputed overlord of an entire state. Lyndon LaRouche has proved time and again that anyone can run for president. And, most importantly, there exists a legislative framework for a third party's rise to dominance. Provided their membership is strong enough, third-party candidates are allotted federal campaign funding and are increasingly awarded spots in the debates between candidates running for office.

My 11th-grade U.S. history teacher told me that we will elect an independent president in my lifetime. I believe him. As the American public becomes more educated, more of us will feel disaffected with the limitations of our two-party system.

However, the last thing I want to see is a proliferation of flippant, uncouth political parties. Current third-party iconoclasts are commonly one-issue, know-nothing rapscallions who embarrass themselves and everyone involved with their zany schemes. We don't need silliness in politics; we need the stable, respectable integrity of our two extant parties.

Er, well, you know what I mean. To get elected, one needs to advertise his or her name across the land; less-affluent folk can't do that by themselves. They need the backing of a major institution. And that's the problem. Viable public servants go overlooked all the time because they will not affiliate with a major party.

Eventually, I would like to see this nation elect the best candidates in contention for office, regardless of his or her party affiliation. We are more than just liberal and conservative. I respect the proven functionality of the two-party system, but I feel it to be an incomplete mechanism for achieving political power.

On the road ahead, I spy (with my little eye) the formation and endurance of functional third parties, parties which have their acts together and stand atop reasonable campaign platforms that can rationally compete with the Democratic and Republican agendas. Until then, however, Donald Trump can eat his heart out. (And did I mention that I'm running for president in 2020? Vote for me!)

Sen. Jeffords has done his bit for king and country by showing us his willingness to function outside the womb of a major party. But will he be re-elected?