'Slut' is a very bad word

Dear Doctor Depends,

I am disappointed in the way you phrased your advice to Confused last Friday. By putting the blame on the girl and calling her a "dirty, selfish slut with corrupt morals," you imply that the guy's own agreement to have an open relationship was OK but hers wasn't. If he readily admits that it was an open relationship and he knew and accepted her sleeping with others, it is wrong and victimizing for you to call the girl such names. I agree that she made an unfair and unkind choice and he shouldn't be with her anymore, but it is just not acceptable to call her a slut and not use the same terms for her choice of sexual partners.

-- Abigail Plawman

I want to thank you so much for writing this letter because I agree with you in every way. I wrote that phrase on a biased impulse that I had upon first drafting my response. What is unfortunate about this situation for me is that I revise my column several times before finally turning it over to The Daily for printing, and each time I had revised it, I knew that phrase was not to be printed. However, due to the editing powers that be, my request for omission of the phrase was, for some reason, not granted. I am not taking blame from myself for originally responding with that poor choice of words, but I am also not placing blame on myself for the actual printing of them.

I have been told that it is not a big deal that those words were printed and that the girl in question deserved it, but it is a big deal. What is unfair to her is that while her choice of actions was clearly wrong and lacking morals, "slut" is too strong of a word based on those actions. I have also been the subject of the word "slut" and I know the frustration and degradation that comes with being associated with it.

Both of them -- the girl and the best friend -- are wrong for sleeping together. However, I was easier on the best friend because of the history and love backing his relationship with Confused, while the girl was in the picture for two months and seemed to deliberately act in a way that would come between the two friends. In my eyes, good friendship takes priority over a budding romantic relationship -- especially an open one that is only two months old.

But the word "slut" is a very, very bad word and I guarantee that I do apply it to other women loosely (please excuse the pun). I make a conscious effort in my life not to use words or phrases that are a product of, or perpetuate, the subordination of women and other groups, rape culture, or patriarchal society in general.

I sincerely apologize for any offense readers have take to last Friday's column. Although it was not my fault that those words were printed, I have been walking around with my foot in my mouth all week.

Next time: less whining, more advising.

E-mail Doctor Depends at: opinion@thedaily.washington.edu.