Cousin love

Dear Doctor Depends,

A while ago, my ex-girlfriend dumped me to be with her cousin. I was beginning to be jealous of him at the end of our relationship because she was spending more and more time with him, leaving for the weekends to go to his place across the mountains, and giving me less attention. She told me it was just her cousin, and that I had nothing to be jealous of. She eventually broke it off with me because of my behavior. Later, being a snooping dog, I found letters he had written her shortly after our breakup, which made everything very, very clear. They were getting it on.

Dr. Depends, this was a year ago and I am still not over her. I have deep feelings for her still, even though she stepped all over my heart. What is your philosophy on sleeping with cousins? Should I have invaded her privacy to find out what I feared was happening? What can I do to get on with my life?

P.S. I have no cousins.

-- Girls Ought To Deny Incestful Cousin Kissing Every Day

My philosophy? Having sex with your own cousin is gross. That is not only my philosophy, but also part of my personal mantra that carries me through each and every day. But that is beside the point. People are allowed to have sex with their own cousins, just as people are allowed to break up with their jealous significant others. She must have found a lovable characteristic in him -- like blood lineage -- which you do not possess. If that is the case, I do not think things will ever work out, so just move on.

What worries me more than her choice to sleep with her cousin is your decision to snoop through her personal belongings. Shame on you, GOTDICKED. Maybe that is the reason you are still not over her. You unearthed some disturbing information that was not intended for your eyes, and now it will forever haunt your soul. Not only did you bring upon yourself the disturbing mental images of your ex and her cousin having sex together, but you also violated her privacy and revealed a shameful secret that she more than likely did not want anybody to know about. Please tell me you did not go around telling all of your friends and coworkers about her alleged cousin-screwing, thus ruining her name and reputation.

Next time you get dumped for being the "jealous boyfriend," be satisfied with that and do not go poking your nose around to find out the real reason you were dumped. Because as we can see, it just might eat away at you until you break down and ask a crackpot advice columnist for help. Thanks for the letter.

Remember friends, your questions are what keep this column going. So, if you need some advice, don't crap your pants -- just e-mail Doctor Depends at opinion@thedaily.washington.edu.