ESPN3's summer debut

Great news, sports fans!

Sure, college basketball is over, football is months away, the NBA sucks and pro baseball doesn't get interesting until the 15th month of the season.

But have no fear, ESPN3 is here!

After minutes of anticipation, ESPN3 unveiled to me (and an attentive caterer) its summer sports programming lineup Tuesday. The impressive list includes a variety of action-packed, cutting-edge entertainment.

In a special edition of ESPN's award-winning program Outside the Lines, ESPN3's top investigators expose the truth behind the recent "Yankees Suck!" T-shirt fiasco at Safeco Field.

Reporters asked frustrated M's fans the tough questions:

Reporter: "How do you feel about being turned away because of a silly shirt?"

Fan: "Well, frankly, this is the most shocking communistic act I've ever ..."

Reporter: "Yes, yes, of course, a tragic day in U.S. history. "

ESPN3 producers will also broadcast several sports-celebrity boxing matches mirroring ESPN2's Friday Night Fights. Match-ups include:

Allen Iverson vs. Larry Brown (Iverson is quick, but Brown fights dirty.)

Vin Baker vs. himself (Tough call here, but I'm predicting a TKO.)

NBC's Jim Gray vs. Lennox Lewis (If Gray can't get Lewis to cry early, this one's a blowout.)

Tanya Harding vs. Scott Hamilton (Harding is feisty, but Hamilton has mastered the salchow bitch-slap.)

Wait, there's more:

Building on ESPN's radical history of alternative-sports coverage, several ESPN3 shows will take "extreme" to a whole new level.

Look for Tony Hawk's show, Backside Grind (not to be confused with the adult film of the same name) where he interviews friends and performs amazing tricks.

Get ready, as Hawk will unveil his new awe-inspiring move, the "2,880-degree Inna-Coma No-Fakie."

Another new extreme show is Chris Berman's Asphalt Assault. The famous broadcaster races fellow ESPN veterans Charlie Steiner and Peter Gammons in an anything-goes speed-walking challenge.

It's hard to believe, but more great shows are on the way.

Based on the success of Unscripted with Chris Connelly, a freewheeling yet hard-hitting program, ESPN3 will introduce the new Unhosted with Whomever.

As you might have guessed, the show will not even have a host (think Last Call with Carson Daly), making it even more hip and extreme.

According to the show's producers, guests may (or may not) include former Red Sox hero Bill Buckner, Mariner-great Bobby Ayala and the Moochie Norris bobble-head doll.

Finally, capitalizing on the success of MTV's The Osbournes, ESPN3 will chronicle the Griffeys in a show called The Griffeys.

Here's a sample:

Junior: "Daddy, can we play catch and hit back-to-back homers today?"

Senior: "Of course, son. I'll call the manager and tell him you feel like playing today."

Junior: "Yea! I love playing on the Mariners with you, Daddy."

Senior: "Uh, son -- you don't play for the Mariners anymore."

Junior: "What?!?*"

Senior: "We live in Cincinnati. You're a Red -- sometimes -- and the Mariners are the best team in baseball."

Junior: "No! It wasn't a nightmare!"

Yes, ESPN3's new shows have a lot to offer to sports fans.

But just remember -- no matter what any Safeco Field attendant tells you, the Yankees really do suck.