Penny-pinching with pennies you don't have

Your wallet's a total jerk. Or maybe your bank account is. At the very least, your money ran off and your annual nightmare commenced the day after Thanksgiving, when you awoke to day-glo Christmas lights and rooftop Santas, you realized your dozens of "loved ones" be delivering something under your tree or somewhere in the vicinity of your menorah soon and they'll be expecting something in return other than a 2.5 GPA.

Instead of worrying, keep reading. The following is a giant thrifty gift-giving brainstorm designed as a life raft for those slowly sinking holiday ships like the one you're on.

If you've made it this far in the article, it seems safe to assume that you're capable of reading, and that maybe you even have a book or two lying around the house. If so, consider thrifty gift idea number one.

Your copy of a favorite book or simply just one you enjoyed makes a great present to a friend or family member who similarly enjoys reading. Include a personal note on the inside cover to fool them into thinking you went the extra mile. Or, if you have some inane sentimental attachment to your copy of As I Lay Dying, there are several reputable used bookstores on the Ave. that would only put you out a couple of dollars for an obscure copy of Faulkner literature.

Perhaps your gift recipient prefers the verb "eating" to "reading," and just maybe your favorite verb is "cooking." Hand over a batch of freshly baked cookies to the uncle with the sweet tooth and fat wallet and the chances of your cash pile multiplying become favorable.

If you're a more sophisticated chef, you could always repay your mother for years of home-cooked meals by making her a nice meal, such as pasta. A heartfelt note and perhaps some candles and flowers would put you on Santa's "good list" as long as Mom's still making it. Prudence would dictate saving the leftovers for Valentine's Day.

If you prefer frozen treats to pasta, there's a decent chance you have plenty of used popsicle sticks lying around next to your extra 5-by-7-inch copies of that senior picture. (Looks like someone forgot all about the Boy Scout Picture Frame Merit Badge.)

Grab the Elmer's from under the kitchen sink and make any sort of frame you want using the back side of those popsicle sticks with the jokes on the end. Katie from your psych class will think you're a stud, although she might wonder who that complete dork in the picture is.

Or maybe the popsicle-stick idea isn't quite bourgeois enough for you. Still wondering what to do with all those negatives you have from professional shots you had done at Gene's? Why, the Starbucks "Tumbler Memory Cup" is your answer.

It only costs a couple bucks, and it comes with a translucent layer over the insulating layer, with space in between for you to insert your favorite snapshots. You know Mom would love to wake up every morning to those awesome photos you and Guy took in the Fotofantasy booth in Northgate.

This whole time you've been thinking, "Sure, pictures on a coffee cup would be cool, but Karen wears that white crewneck sweatshirt from Target all the time, so it would be much cooler if I could emblazon a picture on that." It would, wouldn't it? You can get iron-on screening kits for $5 to $10 at Target, or have them do it for you at Ram's Copy Center on the Ave. It's a relative bargain for ensuring the gift recipient never forgets your beautiful mug.

We've reached a proverbial compromise: you're willing to spend a couple bucks because, in your world, homemade gifts are passe, but then again, so are any products from Starbucks.

This writer would then steer you in the direction of Value Village, the oversized thrift store that doubles as a department store. (Bonus holiday points: all their profits go to charity.) Here you could find anything from the powder-blue Members Only jacket hipster Harry has been talking about to a new set of Tupperware for your obsessive-compulsive roommate.

Value Village's prices rarely top $7, it has plenty of locations in the immediate Seattle area, and it often has 50 percent-off sales. Fifty percent of $7 comes out to $3.50, and it would be difficult indeed to argue that's not "thrifty," even if you're getting a 1996 Ballard Boys and Girls Club T-shirt with "Gonzalez" emblazoned on the back.

All of the aforementioned gift ideas involve at least some sort of cost, whether it is in time, money or effort, although from any perspective the cost is essentially "thrifty." But maybe none of the gift ideas have struck you as charming or original, and frankly, you haven't found them to be all that thrifty either.

If such is the case, then I can only advise you, Uncle Scrooge, to give of yourself. Give a loved one your company -- spend time with him or her on an excursion designed only for the two of you. Make a concerted effort to be nicer to someone you know you haven't been all that sympathetic toward.

This holiday season, immerse yourself in the holiday spirit and shower the people you love with love, and nothing more. Cliched? No argument here. But love was always the product my economics teacher could never put a price on. And that's thrifty enough.