Less confusion is more sexy

A popular myth about the Eskimo language is that there are hundreds of words that all mean "snow." While this isn't actually the case, college students have developed a phenomenon that is remarkably similar, with more words to describe male-female interaction than Baskin-Robbins has flavors.

Once upon a time, relationships were simple to describe. When I was young and my mother told me that she never dated in college -- strange, I know -- there wasn't the slightest bit of confusion. Her statement encompassed every sort of relationship she could have with a guy.

But our vocabulary has expanded over the years. No longer are college students just single or dating, they're "hooking up," "friends with benefits," "sex buddies," "seeing each other," "just hanging out," "on break" from their once significant other and so on. In fact, my mother made a big deal out of a news article several years ago that tried to explain the meanings of all these terms for the over-40 crowd.

This wouldn't be a problem if we could keep track of the meanings of all these terms. And what's making things worse is that some people can't even keep track of their own status anymore.

Case in point: A friend of mine was recently one of these things with a girl from his apartment building. They slept together a few times, and then he left for ROTC training for a month. During his two days back from training before heading home for a month, he spent most of his time with her.

I offered to give him a ride to the airport, so I watched as he said goodbye to her as she left the elevator. As the door closed, I asked him one of those burning questions: "So, are you two a couple, or what?"

In my three years in college, I've seen many people baffled by many topics, but none could compare to the look on his face.

"I don't know," he said. "I mean, we've been sleeping together and seeing each other a lot, but I was gone and ..." he trailed off, and thought some more.

Suddenly, an idea struck me. One question could possibly solve this conundrum once and for all.

"Well, have you seen her more naked or clothed?"

He thought some more and asked what I meant by that, and I explained I meant quantity of time, not how many times. He said he'd seen her more clothed than naked.

And that ruined that idea.

At the very least, they were something more serious than sex buddies. But neither he nor I knew what exactly they were.

This is becoming more and more commonplace today, and it's getting ridiculous. Couples that are "on break" but still hooking up on occasion debate the morals of hooking up with other people, while others seek out new partners more often than the Yankees sign free agents.

I'm not one to say if any of this is right or wrong, but I will say we need to simplify this and define the many terms for relationships today.

After all, if an Eskimos can discuss their most prevalent subject with a limited vocabulary and be perfectly clear, we should be able to do the same.