A call to end mergers
April 27, 2006
We're sick and tired of mergers.
No, not business mergers or vehicular merges. We're talking about people mergers.
First it was 'Bennifer,' then 'TomKat,' and now its 'Brangelina.' The way the media speaks of these celebrities, you'd think they shared a brain -- which they may; the results haven't come back on TomKat yet.
This merged-celebrity hysteria is getting out of hand, and it draws the public's eye away from the more serious problems facing our nation (kind of like the Republican Party, oddly enough).
Maybe as a nation we simply don't have the attention span to respond to two distinct identities in the same sentence. Or maybe we're just syntactically lazy.
We could speculate further, but what the heck? If you can't beat them, join them. Here are some of the merged catchphrases we wish were added to the media's dialogue:
Mark Emmert + Norm Arkans = Markans -- This match was made in heaven.
Subway + HUB = HUBway -- The black sheep of the Subway family that no one likes to talk about at sandwich family gatherings.
Renton + Sonics = Ronics -- The result of yet another of Howard Schultz's evil schemes.
Paul Allen + Greg Nickels = Pickles -- BFFs ruling Seattle 4 life.
Nalgene + The North Face = NalgFace -- The required UW uniform.
Microsoft + Starbucks = Microbucks -- What owns our souls as Seattleites.
Anaconda + Condoleeza Rice = Anacondoleeza -- America's national security viper.
Suburbia + Urban Outfitters = Suburban Outfitters -- Outfitting spoiled NalgFaces everywhere with low-quality goods owned by the Republican Right.
Bush + Cheney = Cheney -- This one pretty much speaks for itself.
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