We're watching this?

Not long ago, popular culture introduced the idea of ESPN8: "The Ocho."

As seen in the movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, "The Ocho" covered obscure sporting events with the motto, "If it's almost a sport, we've got it!"

Featuring politically incorrect announcers Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks, ESPN8 coverage even earned the support of the quintessential super-athlete Lance Armstrong.

Here in the real world, "The Ocho" remains merely a comical jab at ESPN's ever-expanding stranglehold on the sporting world -- now with six full-time networks. Looking at ESPN's coverage these days, there appears to be enough obscure sports coverage to easily support such a channel.

Turn on ESPN and you might find yourself watching the U.S. Paintball Championships or NCAA women's bowling. Other days, it could be the men's World Curling Championships, polo (you know, the sport where soccer is played with croquet sticks while riding horses) or sumo wrestling.

Perhaps there should be a new rule: If you have to explain the objectives of the contest before it begins, it doesn't deserve to be on ESPN.

What happened to the days of ESPN filling hours of airtime with strongman competitions, NHRA drag racing and trick-shot pool? Nothing too complicated: huge guys, fast cars and crazy billiard skills.

Want to know what else ESPN is actually showing?

ESPN has aired Scrabble championships, chess matches, juggling competitions, cheerleading, big-game hunting, arm wrestling, world-class Ping-Pong and, remarkably, car shows.

There are countless hours of poker (sorry, if being old and out of shape isn't a disadvantage, then it's not a sport), kickboxing matches and Madden Nation -- a show about random guys playing video games.

How about Wire to Wire, a 30-minute look into the world of horseracing, or Road Running, a half-hour feature on marathon running? Don't forget It's the Shoes, a quick look into the world of footwear of our favorite athletes and celebrities.

Late-night ESPN2 consistently broadcasts hours of fishing shows, including B.A.S.S. Pass and Big Game Fishing the World. Can't you just picture all the hardcore anglers of the world staying up until 4 a.m. with hopes of impressing their other bass-master friends with new tips and tricks from their favorite bass fisherman?

Furthermore, can someone explain to me what this Viking: The Ultimate Obstacle Course Challenge is? It appears to be Most Extreme Elimination Challenge on steroids, but with serious play-by-play commentary instead of the semi-entertaining dubbed satire.

You can't make this stuff up.

Sure, people might be getting tired of SportsCenter reruns, NFL Draft specials and Jim Rome is Burning. But what happened to Stump the Schwab?

There have to be plenty of sports-related shows to fill time better than last year's U.S. Jump Rope Championships (on ESPN2 yesterday at 11:30 a.m.).

Now I'm not trying to say that these obscure athletic events aren't sports -- many of them are. But if ESPN wants to broadcast these events or add coverage of rock-paper-scissors championships, capture the flag tournaments or competitive ice sculpting, maybe it warrants a different channel -- say, ESPN8.

I'm sure Lance would be proud.

Reach Daily columnist Joshua Mayers at [url='mailto:jmayers@u.washingotn.edu']jmayers@u.washingotn.edu[/url].