The team that won't lose

With baseball season approaching (only two months left!), I'm finding it difficult to contain my optimism for the Mariners this season.

Why, you ask? Simple! The M's have made by far the best off-season acquisitions in all of baseball, and the revamped pitching staff is just waiting in the wings to dominate the American League West.

What's that, Rangers? You're intimidated by an aging and painfully mediocre Miguel Batista? Good. You should be. I know I am.

And Oakland? Word on the street is the team is scared to death that the Mariners just signed Jeff Weaver. Don't worry about that earned run average, M's fans. This guy is a World Series champion, and is historically awful, but he's a champion, nonetheless.

Also, if you think that a sluggish and overweight Felix Hernandez didn't live up to standards last season, just wait until you see the new Felix [HTML_REMOVED] sluggish and somewhat leaner! Now he can underachieve and look good doing it.

Don't even get me started on the newest position players. Remember that big bat that Mariners fans have been clamoring for over the past five or so seasons? Well, they didn't get one, but they did get Jose Guillen. So what if the guy has chemistry problems? Clubhouse cancers are people too, and the M's have been lacking one since they foolishly released "Jurassic" Carl Everett last season. And you know what else? Guillen believes in dinosaurs. Looks like the Mariners found a real gem here.

Jose Vidro was sure a good acquisition. What's that you say? It's 2007? Oh ... never mind then. At least now Ben Broussard has someone to keep him company while his bat is wasted on the bench.

Though best of all, they re-signed Willie Bloomquist! Hallelujah! I was afraid for a while that he would be replaced by someone with talent, but who needs talent when you have hustle? Sure, Bloomquist might dive for balls he has no chance of getting to and only homers every other June, but he's got a lot of ... uh ... heart? Plus, he's from Port Orchard, and he hustles. A lot.

Still, the bullpen could use some work. J.J. Putz may have finally come into his own last season, but he can't do it alone. That's why the M's shouldn't stop with the signings now [HTML_REMOVED] they need to go out and find some quality relief pitching to add late inning stability.

If Norm Charlton can still walk, I think he's a great option. They should maybe even pick up Bobby Ayala. Just think about it [HTML_REMOVED] after Batista has to be pulled in the middle of the fourth inning, Ayala can come in to sort of stop the bleeding. Then Charlton can come in, re-open the wound and leave Putz to put out the fire after it's already too late. Kind of like the late '90s Mariners teams. If you think that sounds outrageous, perhaps you should reconsider. We signed Weaver. It's going to be a long season either way.

This is our year, Seattle. There's no way this roster can fail.

I just wish Pat Gillick was still here to enjoy it. He must be very proud of the job Bill Bavasi has done.

Reach columnist Christian Caple at sports@thedaily.washington.edu.