Life support: UW students provide forum to discuss grief

As much as 48 percent of college undergraduates are in the first two years of mourning the death of a family member or close friend, according to a 2001 study by David E. Balk, professor of family studies and human services at Kansas State University.

This figure does not take into account those who are coping with the terminal illness of a loved one.

Such was the case for Natalie Nielsen, a UW medical student who found out that her father had been diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia a month before she started medical school.

Lymphocytic leukemia is a cancer that attacks the immune system. After months of treatment and a gut-wrenching roller-coaster ride of regression and setbacks, Nielsen’s father succumbed to his illness.

“In some ways, it was worse while he was alive and suffering,” Nielsen said. “You feel so helpless.”

Along with medical student Joelle Lucas and graduate law school student Jennifer Heidt, Nielsen is in the process of registering a UW chapter of Ailing Mothers and Fathers Support Network (AMF), a support group for students coping with the illness or loss of a loved one.

With the assistance of Mark Wicks, a counselor at the UW School of Medicine, Lucas, Heidt and Nielsen hope to help students through the grieving process and keep them connected to society during one of the most formative periods of their lives by engaging them in community service activities.

“I love the fact that we can take our love, anger, pain and confusion and put it toward service activities directed at helping prevent sudden or illness-related losses,” Heidt wrote in an e-mail. “The support group — albeit incredibly important — is just a small portion of what AMF can do for grieving students.”

In a kickoff event, Boot Camp to Beat Cancer, sponsored by the national chapter of AMF, $8,000 was raised for the National Brain Tumor Foundation. Since then, two more boot camps have been held, raising more than $60,000 for AMF and cancer research.

Losing a loved one is not something that can be treated or medicated, said Ellen Taylor, director of the UW Counseling Center.

“Grief is unique in that it’s not pathological,” Taylor said. “It’s a very normal response, and yet it can have a huge impact on every aspect of life. So I love the idea of a support group where people can be there for each other while their emotions are fluctuating all over the place, between sadness, anger, loneliness and so on.”

Taylor said that the Counseling Center would be open to helping with AMF’s cause if called upon.

“On other campuses I’ve worked on there have been grief groups formed, and they’re often one of the most popular groups,” she said.

Heidt, who lost her own father during her undergraduate years, conducted research for her senior thesis on student bereavement.

“I wanted to know more about the real-life, lived experiences of people like me who had just lost one of the most important people in their lives,” Heidt wrote. “How did they cope with being a young person and losing a loved one? How did they cope with going to school and being social and mourning all at the same time?”

To this end, Heidt conducted in-depth interviews with grieving college-aged students. She found that isolation, whether actual, perceived, or self-inflicted, was one of the largest hurdles facing grieving students, leading to potentially hazardous behavior such as binge drinking.

Self-imposed isolation of any kind can also be detrimental, as it takes one out of the realm of social interaction where meaning and identity are formed, Heidt said.

“If it’s your first experience with grief, a lot of the feelings are really unfamiliar and uncomfortable,” she said. “There’s a desire to know you’re not crazy.”

Heidt believes AMF can be a powerful tool in helping students heal and channel their grief to more positive outlets.

“Having people to talk about all of those feelings and how confusing they are, it’s helpful,” she said. “It offers clarity, comfort and purpose. The beauty of AMF is it makes you feel like you’re doing something, like you can raise money and prevent this from happening to others.”

[Reach reporter Christian Nelson at news@thedaily.washington.edu.]