Taking the hearts out of valentines

Valentine’s Day is here, and while you could spend lots of money on whatever it is people are buying each other these days, it is nice to step away from the spending and make your valentine a card that gets down to business.

Don’t even consider buying a card — while homemade says “sweet,” store-bought says “cheap and unimaginative.” No, really. That’s what they write inside those cards.

Make your valentine a super hero:

If you have any sort of artistic talent, you can make your sweetheart a card with him or her as the star. First, what is your significant other good at and what does he or she like to do? Computers? Robot Man. Baking? Buns of Steel Girl. Is he or she just really, really good looking? Super Attractive Man.

Be fun and funny and the card is sure to be a hit. Find a generic superhero cartoon guy or gal and add your recipient’s characteristics: brown hair, blue eyes and whatnot.

Burlesque calling cards:

Girls, want something a little sexier to give your valentine? Look no further than the recently revived Burlesque movement. Use these gals and guys as your inspiration to dress up, do your hair and pose, baby, pose. Get a sassy bustier or your sexiest bra, garter belt and thigh-highs and you are good to go — but don’t forget the high heels.

Make sure you have soft, flattering light and take a look at current and old school burlesque dancers for posing ideas — a coy look over the shoulder, an overhead shot of you lying down with your legs propped against the wall — go wild.

Upload it to your computer — if you’re good at Photoshop, make yourself look even better — and print the photo on sturdy paper. Write a sassy message on the back, don’t forget to sign the front and hand out to your admirers. Make sure you have soft, flattering light and take a look at current and old school burlesque dancers for posing ideas — a coy look over the shoulder, an overhead shot of you lying down with your legs propped against the wall — go wild.

Upload it to your computer — if you’re good at Photoshop make yourself look even better — and print the photo on sturdy paper. Write a sassy message on the back, don’t forget to sign the front, and hand out to your admirers.

The liver:

Everyone associates the heart with love these days, but it used to be the liver that people evoked when making their points about love. And it was for good reason: it’s the part of your body hit hardest by all the alcohol you consume when love goes awry.

So why not make it the centerpiece of your card? “I love you with all my liver” is certainly more romantic when you consider all the use you get out of it.

Plus, if your valentine is an English literature major, you’ll score major points for cleverness. If not, give the card with a bottle of wine — they’ll get it.

A heart within a heart — and a present:

So, maybe you are giving a present — a very small present, like a necklace or concert ticket. First wrap the present in pretty tissue paper, and then for each new layer use nice paper cut in the shape of a heart. There will be heart after heart for him or her to unwrap and you can write your heartfelt message on one of them. But be sure to warn your valentine to open carefully — nobody wants a broken heart.