Gas tax holiday? Give me a break

This summer, if Senators McCain and Clinton have their way, Americans will be able to drive to their hearts’ content. We’ll be able to enjoy family vacations and road trips again, and the sounds of jet skis and quads will once again fill the air near lakes and campsites. And I will finally be able to stop worrying about how to get around and just jump in my car whenever I feel the urge. I can hardly wait to feel all four cylinders of my little Volkswagen roar back to life and carry me away to all the places I’ve been missing out on since gas got so expensive.

Seriously, though, just think of all the things you will be able to do with the money you save with the proposed gas tax holiday. If we actually get three months this summer without that burdensome yoke on our backs, it will be like Christmas in July.

Once a week, with my newfound wealth, I’ll finally be able to get two items from the McDonald’s value menu instead of one. Or, if I pool my savings with a friend, we could share a six-pack of whatever beer is on discount at the gas station.

Prosperity will flow again. The estimated $11 billion that the federal government will lose as a result of this tax break won’t have a negative effect on us, right? Clinton will just add an extra tax to the oil companies, and McCain will just ask his buddies at the Federal Reserve to borrow a little more from those lovely friends of ours hosting the Olympics this summer.

And who cares what Obama says about the thousands of jobs that will be lost if the $11 billion that normally funds infrastructure construction and repairs is reduced? With our booming economy, those people will easily find work somewhere else.

Let’s be honest: Our infrastructure doesn’t really need any work right now anyway. The nation’s bridges are in tip-top shape, and traffic has never been smoother on our wonderful interstates.

Those bleeding-heart liberals who lie about the cost of the war have no idea what they’re talking about. This war is putting money in our pockets, not taking it away. From the way they talk, you would think our military was outsourcing all the projects that stimulate local economies. Who ever heard of the Air Force letting other countries build their planes? Good grief.

I speak for all Americans when I say it would be a relief to have a few months in which I could finally stop worrying about my carbon footprint. The planet isn’t getting any warmer by the looks of it here in Seattle, so let me drive my car again. We all know that global warming is a result of China’s factories, not me driving a car.

This gas tax break is what we all need. The only thing I’m worried about is how Santa will be able to land his sleigh without any snow.